choice
by diannasbacon
Summary: life was all about choices. it was all about choosing either this or that. life was about losing things. as they grew older, they'd lose things. life was about being cutthroat. because if you weren't, you'd be the loser. all in all, life was neither fair nor good. very AU. if you're not into it, you should just leave.


Life was all about choices. It was all about choosing either this or that. Life was about losing things. As they grew older, they'd lose things. Life was about being cutthroat. Because if you weren't, you'd be the loser. All in all, life was neither fair nor good.

Quinn understood the theory that day she came back from school with bruises over her forearms and tomato splatters on her sundress. Her father was furious at the treatment she'd gotten from her school and wanted to meet the principal, but she stopped him. She didn't want to stir up anymore trouble at school.

She spent the night writing her plan in her notebook. Her plan to go on a diet and maybe get a nose job; her plan to join the gymnastic team to become more flexible; her plan to stop being Lucy Caboosey and start being Lucy Quinn.

* * *

She knew deep inside that she was damaged beyond compare. There seemed to be nobody who was capable of fixing her

That crack was present there when that boy in her math class threw an egg at her for being "juicy and caboosey". But she ignored it and threw on a brave face in front of her parents because she didn't want them to worry about her. Her father loved her. Her mother loved her. They both loved her to the core. That was why she didn't want them to know.

The only one who managed to see that crack was her sister, Frannie. It was thanks to Frannie that she was still able to smile and laugh whenever she was at home. Her sister had always brought her to the park to play on the playground and she'd buy her ice-cream after.

Her father would bring them all to a picnic when he had time off from his work and that was when she had the most fun. She always thought that their family would stay tight but then her father's salary got cut because of the worsening economy and his temper worsened. They were forced to move to Lima and lived in a smaller house. Her parents started drinking and Frannie grew older and was not at home often anymore.

Despite everything, Russell still loved her. He would always –_always –_come home and kiss the top of her head and then sit down next to her to talk to her about her day. She'd smile and tell him about her friends in middle school and all that, but she never told him about the growing darkness in her heart.

It was like black all over and she just couldn't get rid of it. She'd go to school and see her pretentious friends and pretend to not be interested in math or biology. She'd come back from school and then go out for a run. The only time she could feel joy was when she got to play with Mr Rudolph's dog, Yappy or when she was at home.

* * *

She turned fifteen and went to Carmel High. She met Santana when the Latina was giving one of the jocks a smackdown for taking her breadsticks. There was a fire in Santana that drew Quinn to her. She promptly walked up to Santana and tapped on her shoulder. Santana stopped mid-rant and swung around to face her with a scowl on her face.

Before she could say anything, Quinn handed her a roll of magazine and a lighter – "To threaten bullies," her father said when he shoved it into her hand. "Don't misuse it, Quinnie." – then she walked away with a smirk on her face, heading to her next class.

Santana sat down at her table at lunch period with a tray of hideous food. And just like that, they were friends. They did almost everything together. They went on double dates. They went to the movies. When one of their families was organizing something, the other would join. Santana was like the Fabrays' other daughter and Quinn was like the Lopezes'.

When Santana came out as a lesbian right in front of her family, Quinn was terrified that her father would throw her best friend out. But he didn't, surprisingly. He was a devout Christian and had always believed in the power of god, even though she didn't. He just stared at Santana for a moment before the kindest smile appeared on his face.

"Thank you for telling us, Santana. But don't worry. We won't discriminate you. You're a nice girl and love is love," he said. Quinn's sigh of relief was audible and he turned to her. "Why the sigh, Quinnie?"

Quinn smiled nervously and tugged a strand of hair behind her ear. "I thought you were going to throw S out," she said with a nervous laugh. "Because, you know, with the Bible and all."

He chuckled and reached out to cover her hand with his own. "It's okay, Quinn. Like I said, love is love and you can't change it."

* * *

She ended up dating Jesse St James, the captain of Carmel's pride and joy, Vocal Adrenaline. It was a show choir which had gotten six National Champion trophies so far. He was a senior, two years older than her. He was handsome. He wooed her real hard when he first laid eyes on her but she rejected his advances. Two months since he began his pursue, he had this insane notion to gather all the students in the cafeteria.

She was in the middle of her chemistry class when Tina pulled her out of the class by the arm, disregarding the teacher's presence in the class. Quinn's apology died in her throat when she saw the smirk on the teacher's face the second before the door slammed shut behind her. She got pulled into the cafeteria and she was in the middle of telling Tina that lunch time had passed when she saw the scene before her.

She gawked as her eyes roved over the tables that were put together to form a make-shift stage. The chairs were arranged in front for audients, obviously. There was single armchair in middle of the front row though, sparkling gold.

_Are those dazzlers? _she remembered thinking.

Her eyes traveled to the make-shift stage and that's when she saw them. The entire Vocal Adrenaline were standing in method positions and Jesse St James was standing in the middle of the table, a grin that was too bright pasted on his face with his arms opened wide. She swore her jaw could not drop more than it had at the moment.

Then she felt herself pulled again. Seriously, what was with people pulling her today? She turned, ready to snap when she saw Santana pulling her forearm towards the armchair. She had a bored look on her face and she was popping gum as she rolled her eyes at the blonde before she sat her down on the armchair.

"So I've been chosen – probably because you have no friends – to sit you down on this so called throne that looks more like a fucking chair they got from the used items store. Anyway, he said and I quote 'Bring Quinn here and just let me bedazzle her.' Honestly, I don't see how this crap will bedazzle you and I really don't see what's so appealing about him. But whatever, enjoy the show." Then she plopped herself down on the bench on her left and crossed her arms, rolling her eyes again.

Quinn was at no words. Her attention snapped to Jesse when he finally spoke, "Miss Lucy Quinn Fabray!" Her eyes widened when she saw the bouquet of white roses in his hand. _Where did that come from_? He came down and stood in front of her, bowed down ninety degrees and offered her the bouquet. "Here is a display of my affection towards you and I hope you will accept me after this."

She numbly took it and was oblivious to the aroma it wafted even when Santana sneezed loudly next to her. She watched him jump back up on the stage and clapped his hands in the air twice. Somewhere in the cafeteria, music emitted and she gulped.

"Oh dear god," she whispered partly in horror and partly in delight. She had to admit, it felt kind of nice because this was the first time someone had ever done something as grand as this for her. And she also had to admit Jesse St James was very good looking which was what attracted her to him in the first place.

When Jesse started to sing, she realized what he was singing. Her most-played song on her iPod, _She's Taking Over Me _from Lawson. And he pulled it off amazingly. His vocal range was incredible and she had no choice but be impressed. The choir group danced around the table in synchronized beats. When the song ended, he'd jumped down from the stage and landed on his knee, with one palm on the floor. He was staring at her expectantly from the floor, so were the audience as they resisted from clapping.

She was sure the only sound in the cafeteria was the choir group's panting for air and Santana's constant gum popping. She was shocked beyond belief and the expectant look from Jesse was adding to her nerves. She gulped and looked around her to see everyone staring at her. Some of them had that excited look on their faces and some were just plain bored.

"Quinn?" Jesse mentioned. "Will you please be my girlfriend?"

Her eyes grew wider – if that was even possible. Finally, she said, "Yes." She nodded.

The grin on Jesse's face brightened and he jumped onto his feet. He took long strides towards her and then all of a sudden she was pulled onto her feet and wrapped up Jesse's embrace. He rested his forehead against her and chuckled.

"Really?" he asked, as if unsure he heard right.

She nodded with a grin. "Yeah, really."

He laughed and tightened his arms around her. She rested her palms against his lean chest and stared up into his eyes. Yeah, she could totally fall in love with him. He leaned forward and captured her lips with his.

_Fireworks._

* * *

"Are you happy?"

Quinn twisted her head to look at Santana. She was smoking the third cigarette since they both settled on the roof of her house. For the first time, she saw pure curiosity and concern in her best friend's eyes.

"Yeah, I think so," she said with a nod and a smile.

Santana stared at her for a longer time before she stood up and threw the cigarette down the roof. Then she climbed back into Quinn's room through the window. Before she left, she peeked her head out and pointed a finger at Quinn.

"Tell St James if he ever break your heart. I will make sure he won't be able to bear children in the future." She paused and then said, "See ya." Then she left.

Quinn looked back to the front and saw Santana walking down the path to her car parked at the curb. She looked up and saluted at Quinn before climbing into her car and drove away. Quinn sat there, with her knees drawn up to her chest and her arms around them. Then she laughed. Never would she imagine Santana to have a soft spot in her.

She loved Jesse. She did. He was sweet, kind, maybe a little too cocky for his own good, but he was still an amazing boyfriend. Despite his busy schedule with captaining Vocal Adrenaline, managing the school newspaper and excelling academically, he still found time to accompany her.

He brought her out to dates and even when this town practically had _nowhere _interesting, he still managed to entertain her. Their first date was to a spot in the park that she never knew exist and she was in awe but it was an _absolute wonder_.

He would sometimes take her out to wherever she wanted to go when her car broke down or something. And he would always kiss her goodbye and smiled at her with that charming smile of his. She liked making out with Jesse. His kissing skills were extremely good and she felt great whenever she kissed him.

He didn't comment when she told him about her past. About when she was Lucy Caboosey, when she was this kid who everyone didn't want to be friends with because she was ugly. He just stared at her for a moment and asked to see a picture. She hesitantly gave it to him and he grinned as he pocketed the picture. She thought for a moment that he was going to tell everybody. But he didn't.

"I'm glad you told me. I'm glad that I got to know Lucy Fabray in some way. Thank you for telling me." He scooted closer to her on the bed and wrapped her up in his arms. She sat between his legs and encircled her arms around his lean waist and sighed. She felt him kiss the top of her head. "I love you," he whispered.

He made her feel special.

So she loved him.

* * *

She loved him but she didn't _love _him. He was great and all that and she _was _interested in him, very interested. Yet she still hadn't grown to fall in love with him. He was this guy who was insane enough to serenade her in front of the entire school. He was this guy who wasted a lot of money just to buy her a necklace that caught her eye one time they went out shopping. He was this guy who made her feel special.

And yet she didn't love him.

Of course, she didn't realize that until she sat in the audience and watched this choir team, New Directions, performed on stage for the Regionals competition. Jesse had invited her here, claiming that he needed his special someone here for support.

She realized that she didn't love him when she saw a tiny brunette dressed in black and gold appeared from one of the two entrances in the back, singing Journey's Faithfully with a tall, dopey-looking but still cute guy from the other side.

Quinn Fabray was _entranced_ by the sight before her. The nameless girl was _beautiful_ and she had a great voice that could really compete with Jesse's. As the girl made her way slowly towards the stage, her eyes swept past Quinn for a second before she came back as she continued singing. Quinn's breath caught and they held each other's gaze for a couple seconds longer before the brunette broke the eye contact and focused on her performance.

Their eyes caught for a dozen times as the New Directions performed their Journey medley. Quinn's focus was entirely on the mysterious brunette and she couldn't seem to hear or see anything else but her. The electric was so strong even when they were so far apart.

"Hey, babe." Her attention cut loose and she turned towards Jesse who was looking at her. "I have to get to the green room. You stay here, alright? I don't want you to get lost in this place."

She stayed silent for a moment and then as if she just processed his words, she nodded with a tight smile and hoped that he didn't notice it. He didn't. Because he grinned back and leaned forward to kiss her hard before he went backstage.

She sat there with her heart pounding against her chest and then looked to the stage to see that they had finished the last note of Don't Stop Believing and were standing on the edge of the stage, bowed down and stood upright again. The brunette found her immediately and her smile grew brighter which made Quinn's heart beat harder.

They got off stage and there was a twenty minutes intermission so the Vocal Adrenaline could get ready. Quinn flipped through the booklet she got from the entrance but she wasn't really reading it since her mind constantly went back to the brunette.

Suddenly, she felt someone sit down next to her and she was getting ready to ask Jesse why he was here but stopped when she saw the brunette staring at her expectantly with a grin on her face. Quinn was at a loss for words and she just won't stop staring at her.

She looked so much more stunning up close and Quinn could literally feel the sparks as their skin brushed together. Her mouth opened and closed but nothing came out. Literally nothing.

"Hi," the girl finally said. Quinn blinked, still seemed to be verbally handicapped. The girl frowned and she dug her head to look at Quinn closely. "Are you okay?" she asked carefully.

Quinn finally snapped out of it and she cleared her throat loudly. "Yeah, yeah," she finally said, probably a little too loudly when Rachel flinched. "Sorry," she muttered and sighed. "I just…I thought you're my boyfriend."

For the first time since she dated Jesse, the word 'boyfriend' left a bitter taste in her mouth and she just wanted to drink a whole bottle of water to get rid of the taste. "

The girl's smile dimmed a little but it didn't disappear. "Jesse St James is your boyfriend?" she asked.

Quinn blinked again and she stammered. "You…you know my boyfriend?"

The other girl laughed and crossed her legs which showed more of her delicious thighs. Quinn forced her eyes to stay on her face. _Don't look, Fabray. You have a boyfriend who's about to perform on stage. Don't you dare look_, she warned herself.

"Trust me; Jesse St James is a pretty known name in the world of show choir. I heard he even gathered the whole school faculty to watch him perform for a girl who became his girlfriend." There was a teasing glint in her tone as she watched Quinn playfully. "I presume that girl's you."

The blonde blushed and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Yeah, I'm –"

"Quinn Fabray," the girl finished with a raised brow. At Quinn's confused look, she grinned. "Like I said, Jesse St James is a local celebrity. I've heard of you. People had always talked about how beautiful and sweet and amazing you are and I just didn't believe them. But now that I've seen you, I guess I was wrong."

Quinn had no idea she was capable of blushing so hard until now. "Thank you."

"I'm Rachel. Rachel Berry."

Little did Quinn know that was the pivotal moment of her entire life.

* * *

Vocal Adrenaline won Regionals, of course. They performed a haunting do-over of Bohemian Rhapsody. After they took the trophy home and Quinn bade goodbye to a letdown Rachel, they took the bus and went back home.

Ever since then, she couldn't help but think about the extraordinary brunette every single day. Her kisses with Jesse no longer sparked anything in her. At this point, he was just a good kisser but she couldn't feel anything anymore. Her heart no longer sped up whenever she saw him. She didn't feel excited for their dates anymore.

There was just nothing.

A month after Regionals, Vocal Adrenaline had two more months to prepare for Nationals in New York. After their rehearsals on Sunday, Jesse came over to take her out. She got dressed and climbed into his car after bidding a hurried goodbye to her parents and her sister who came back from San Francisco for a visit.

Jesse leaned towards for a chaste kiss and there was _nothing_. It was literally just the feeling of someone's lips to hers and nothing else. She couldn't feel the fireworks or even the tiniest spark she used to feel before. He drew back with a sweet smile and she returned it.

He drove them to the mall in the Cleveland and they sat in Starbucks for a drink. Then she saw Santana coming in with the same bored look on her face. Quinn was getting ready to call her but she heard someone called her name. Her mouth closed and she looked towards the source of the voice.

And there she was. Rachel Berry. The girl who'd occupied her mind for a little over a month. Quinn released a quiet whimper as she stood up and received a friendly hug from Rachel. She buried her nose into Rachel's hair for a second before letting go. She smelled apples. She looked over Rachel's head to see Santana approaching them with a scalding – her favorite – coffee in her hand.

She noticed someone standing beside Rachel. She turned to see a tall blonde with the bluest eyes she'd ever seen in her life staring at her with a grin that she was sure could blind almost everyone in the room. It was as if the tall blonde's smile was infectious and she grinned as well.

"Hi! I'm Brittany!" she introduced herself.

Quinn blinked. Okay, the girl was a little too giddy for her own good. She could probably get punched for being so friendly if she was in New York. "Hi, Brittany. I'm Quinn Fabray."

"You're really pretty." Another blink. "Rachel's told me about you. She said you were the prettiest girl she's ever met and she has a crush on you."

Rachel gasped and smacked Brittany on the arm. "Brittany! You can't just tell people that!"

Brittany looked down at Rachel innocently. "But she's the one you have a crush on so she's not just people."

Before any of them could respond, Jesse had wrapped his arm around Quinn's shoulder possessively while Santana was already with them. The Latina chuckled and sipped on her coffee, looking at Quinn over the rim of the paper cup. She withdrew it from her lips and Quinn glared at her as the smirk on her face grew.

"Well, well, Q, someone's crushing on you. Aren't you proud of yourself?" Santana teased and looked Rachel over before nodding in approval. "At least you're a fine specimen."

"Lopez!" Quinn snapped, flabbergasted at her bluntness.

"What? I'm being honest and you can't do no shit about it," Santana waved her off. "So, who are you?" she asked Rachel.

Rachel, looking a little blurred from the conversation that had taken place, stammered for awhile before saying, "Uh…Rachel. Rachel Berry."

Quinn palmed her face and groaned in her hand as she shook her head. Santana had that look on her face which always meant she was up to no good. True enough, Santana released an amused laugh and pointed at Rachel.

"You sure look like you've eaten a lot of berries."

Quinn grunted and buried her face into Jesse's shoulder, muttering a call for help. She could feel him shuffle next to her and stepped forward, his arm still around Quinn's shoulder. He offered his hand to Rachel.

"I'm Jesse, Quinn's boyfriend. I've heard a lot about you. Your voice is spectacular. You could've beaten us at Regionals if you could come up with a better set list," Jesse offered bluntly and Quinn almost regretted asking him for help as she noticed a look flit across Rachel's face before she regained composure and smiled at him.

She shook his hand. "Yes, I've heard about you too. It's nice to finally meet you in person."

"He's really not that big of a deal," Santana mumbled and then it was as if her eyes just caught onto Brittany. The teasing glint in her eyes disappeared, replaced with shock and admiration. "Who's this?"

Rachel turned and put her hand on Brittany's arm. "Oh, this is Brittany. She's my teammate. It's nice to meet you."

But it was like Santana didn't hear her anymore after Rachel introduced Brittany. Brittany was the same. They were totally irresponsive to the outside world. Quinn tried poking the Latina in the arm. Rachel called Brittany's name a couple of times, but it was to no avail. Jesse watched on in amusement.

He finally patted Quinn on the arm and hold up a hand to tell her he's going to try. He let go of Quinn and approached Santana. He leaned down so his mouth was next her ear.

"Amy Winehouse is in the house," he whispered with a smirk.

Santana blinked and she finally broke eye contact with Brittany to turn to him with wide eyes. Upon seeing his smirk, she smacked on his arm. Hard. He winced but Santana smacked him again. Quinn and Rachel cringed at the sound of the smack. Santana glared at him.

"Amy Winehouse is nothing to joke about, St James. Don't take my idol _and _an icon who died as a joke." Then she rolled her eyes and turned back to Brittany. "Do you wanna come and leave these losers alone?"

A bright grin appeared on Brittany's face and she nodded eagerly, hurriedly pulling on Santana's hand which surprised Santana. She pulled her out of Starbucks without even bidding goodbye to her best friend, neither did Santana. But she did turn to wink at Quinn before running out with Brittany.

"So," Jesse began, snapping the two girls' attention towards him. He was looking at Rachel with a mysterious look on his face and Quinn watched on in curiosity. "Is it true you have a crush on Quinn?"

Both of the girls' eyes widened and Quinn wanted to punch her boyfriend for being so forward. She would understand if it was Santana but Jesse? Why the fuck would he do that? She was struggling between wanting to bury her head underground like an ostrich and wanting to hear what Rachel had to say.

Rachel blinked, her mouth wide open. Quinn could see she really didn't know how to respond. And it was common knowledge that no response meant admitting to it. Did she really have a crush on Quinn?

Then Rachel answered as calmly as possible. "Even if I do, I won't be as obnoxious and crazy as to steal her away from you."

Quinn forced herself to be calm at the brunette's words. Was that a yes?

"That doesn't sound like a no," Jesse stated, his eyes now narrowed into cautious slits. Quinn could literally feel the air around them changing. He was no longer the friendly and sweet Jesse. He was the ruthless captain of Vocal Adrenaline, Jesse St James. And to be honest, it scared her. She had never seen him like this around her before. "Either it's a yes or no. There's not 'even if' or any in betweens."

The brunette's eyes flickered towards hers for a moment, holding her gaze for a moment and Quinn knew the answer right then. Even when the brunette lied to her boyfriend, Quinn _knew_.

"No." Yes, she had a crush on Quinn.

And worse still, Quinn was happy about it.

* * *

They hung out a couple times. As friends. Santana and Brittany would sometimes tag along and they always had different locations to go. Sometimes they'd go to the beach an hour and a half away from them just to have picnics and play around in the water. There would also be places as simple as the park to catch butterflies and sit on the swings.

No matter how, they would always find places to go to.

Quinn also found that she was spending less and less time to go out with Jesse just to hang with Rachel. To her, Santana and Brittany were just decorations – they began dating the second week they met each other. Quinn found that Rachel was an easy person to talk to. She found herself telling more of herself to Rachel more than she did to anyone. Santana and Jesse didn't even know that much about her.

Quinn told her about how her life had been before she moved here. She told her about the nose job. She told her about how she felt daily at school, pretending to be somebody she's not. She told her about how dating Jesse was sometimes so suffocating because he was so talented and famous and she was just this girl on his arm.

"You're not just a girl, Quinn. You're a very special girl and you should know that," Rachel had said. And for one second, Quinn believed her.

She told Rachel about how her parents were so supportive of her even if they were mild alcoholics. She told her about her about her amazing sister who was now studying for a law degree in San Francisco. She told her about how Santana acted cool but was actually a really awesome friend who always had her back. She told her about how she would sometimes get confused because she would find herself staring at girls even when she had a boyfriend.

That was when she saw something lighted up in Rachel's eyes. Quinn decided to ignore it. They hadn't talk about the big elephant despite the number of times they've hung out together. Rachel knew Quinn had a boyfriend and she loved him so she should not break apart a happy couple. Quinn knew she had a boyfriend and she would never cheat on him because he treated her nice and she could see that he really loved her.

They just let the topic flowed past and went on with their lives. Santana would always tease her about Rachel but Quinn denied her every single time. She couldn't let a girl change her life. She had a plan. She was going to graduate, study English in an Ivy League, be a writer and marry Jesse because she loved him.

One time, Santana sat her down in her bedroom and locked the door. Brittany was at her dance lesson. Rachel was home spending time her fathers. Jesse was – as always – at rehearsals with Vocal Adrenaline. Dustin Goolsby was a brutal coach.

Santana sat cross legged in front of her and was staring at her in a way that told Quinn that this was a serious conversation they were going to have. Quinn knew that look right away because her best friend rarely had that look on her.

"What you're going through right now is what we call 'gay panic'," Santana began with air quoting. "You don't wanna admit that you have a crush on Rachel or even in love with her. I get it even though it's sort of gross cause that girl fucked my girl and I got sort of jealous."

"Wait what?" Quinn said with a frown, forgetting about the stuff her best friend had said before. "Rachel had sex with Brittany?"

"She's fucking gay as a fucking rainbow, Q. And Brittany's hot. Who wouldn't wanna to fuck her?" Santana said, as crude as possible.

Quinn's jaw dropped and the frown on her forehead deepened. Her eyes glazed as she stared into the air, trying to process the whole thing. Rachel didn't tell her she's a lesbian. Quinn wanted to kill herself for not noticing. She should've known! All the signs were right there!

She remembered Rachel eyeing the Starbucks' barista's ass when she walked away when they were getting ready to go to the movies. She remembered Rachel admiring the female lead's body more than the male lead's. She remembered Rachel flicking through a lot of Virginia Woolf books.

"Oh my god how could I be so oblivious?" she whined, smacking her hand on her forehead.

"You were so oblivious because you were in a fucking gay panic."

Quinn rubbed her eyes with the heels of her hands and then she put it down. "I'm not gay, Santana. I love Jesse." Santana gave her a look that told her she didn't believe Quinn. "Don't look at me like that, S! I don't like Rachel! At least not in a romantic sense of way."

"Look," Santana said, her mean façade all gone. She was now just a concerned friend who was worried about Quinn. "I'm not going to tell anyone, okay? I know what it's like to go through something like that. I'm not saying you're one hundred percent gay. Maybe you're just berry-sexual, however gross that is, or you're generally bisexual. I won't judge. Nobody will."

Quinn scowled and groaned, flopped onto her back. "Jesus, Santana, I love Jesse! What part of that do you not understand?"

Santana paused and then she shrugged, standing up from the bed. "Okay, fine, you love Jesse. Whatever. I'm just trying to help you. And if you really do love Jesse and don't like Rachel in _that _way, you should fucking tell her instead of leading her on. That girl's so fucking hung up on you as it is."

"What?"

The Latina crossed her arms and glared at the blonde. "You heard me." Quinn was staring at her slack-jawed. "Rachel has been there waiting for you. She thought you like her back despite you leading her on for _months_. She watched you get all cuddly with that egghead even when she knew she's fucking in love with you."

"She's not in love with me," Quinn interrupted.

"Yes, she is," Santana said calmly, raising a brow at Quinn. "You have to be _blind_ if you can't see it. She lights up like a goddamn bulb whenever she's around you and don't even get me started on how she gushes about you whenever you're not around because that's sick to the stomach when I remember that you're out there with curly hair while Rachel is still waiting for you."

The silence between them was tense and downright suffocating. Quinn was processing the fact that Rachel's crush on her had turned into love while Santana was there impatiently waiting for her best friend to get a clue. When something shifted in the blonde's eyes, she nodded to herself and uncrossed her arms, stalking towards the door.

"So if you don't even like her for one bit, don't lead her on. Tell her face to face. Break her heart before it's reached the point of unbreakable. She deserves at least that. But if you _do_ like her, break up with Jesse. I can see you're not in love with him and he doesn't make you happy anymore. Don't lie to yourself, Q. It's not worth it."

* * *

Santana didn't come to hang out with her for the next few days. Quinn stayed in her room eighty percent of the time. Her parents were worried about her despite of how much she had reassured them that she's fine…physically anyway. She also didn't go out Jesse, saying that she didn't feel well. She knew he was getting tired of her as well.

She knew he was getting tired ever since they saw Rachel at Starbucks. He was acting frustrated and impatient. She understood why. She'd been spending a lot less time with him to hang out with Rachel. She was surprised he hadn't lash out yet. He always wanted attention from everyone, especially his girlfriend. Her heart clenched at the thought. He must've loved her a lot if he was willing to be _so _patient with her. Anyone would have snapped and turn their back to her.

Quinn was currently sitting on the couch with her knees drawn up to her chin as she watched Barney proposed to Robin on TV. She sighed and it didn't go unnoticed by her parents. They shared a meaningful look and Russell cleared his throat. No response. Judy raised a brow and cleared her throat as well, albeit louder. Still, no response. They shared another look.

Russell huffed and grabbed the remote and turned the TV off. That was when Quinn blinked and seemed to come back from wherever she'd gone to. She blinked twice again and then turned to her parents. She saw the curious looks on their faces and gulped. She must have blanked out again. A long moment of silence stretched between them as they waited for someone to break the silence.

Finally, Russell rolled his eyes and said, "Are you gonna tell me what's going on with you lately?"

Quinn grimaced and looked down to her feet, suddenly finding great interest in her toenails. "Would you let it go if I said no?" she finally replied, looking up at her father.

"No," her parents simultaneously said. Quinn flinched and sighed again. "Now, we're not gonna walk away until you tell us what's happening. Trust me; we can stay here all night. Dinner can be forgotten. We just wanna know what's up with you."

The younger blonde swallowed and began to rock back and forth on the couch, clenching and unclenching her jaw as she tried to think of how to start the topic. She started on, "What if I tell you…I'm not as straight as you think I am?"

And there it was. The signature Fabray family eyebrow raise. Admittedly, nobody could do it better than Quinn. But it was still threatening since she learned it from her father. She was stiff as her parents scrutinized her. She felt like she was going to die anytime.

"Are you telling me you're gay, Quinn?" Russell finally asked, his tone surprisingly nonchalant and tender.

"No," she quickly said, shaking her head. "I'm not gay, Dad. I just…I still find men attractive but…do you guys remember Rachel?" They nodded. "I think…I have feelings for her. Like…feelings that are not platonic. I know it's shocking. I was shocked when I realized that. And I just…I don't know what I should do. I mean, I have a boyfriend. A sweet and caring boyfriend who loves me and I can't break his heart like that."

"Quinnie," Judy called softly, taking Quinn's hand in hers. "We're not angry with you." Russell nodded in agreement. "We've accepted Santana like our own daughter and we will accept you as well. You can be with anyone you want to be with as long as you're happy."

"Mom," Quinn whispered.

Judy squeezed her hand. "It's okay, Quinnie. It's okay. But…you know what they always say, if you fall in love with two people, choose the second one, because if you really love the first person, you wouldn't fall in love with another. And it's so apparent that Jesse doesn't make you happy anymore, however sweet he might be. And it's better to break his heart before it's reached the point of unbreakable."

Quinn blinked at her mom. That was Santana's exact words, except it was about Rachel. "Did you get that quote from somewhere?" she asked, narrowing her eyes at her mother. "Santana said the same thing to me a few days ago."

"Oh really?" Judy said, looking surprised. "She and I have a lot to talk about then. Obviously we're soul sisters."

"Mom!" Quinn exclaimed. Russell chuckled. They sobered eventually and Quinn played with her mother's fingers. "Do you really think I should break up with Jesse?"

Russell leaned forward on his elbows and smiled at Quinn. "It's up to you. But if you really want to be happy, you have to make the _absolute _right choice."

Quinn nodded and smiled at her parents. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For not freaking out. Most parents would have kicked their children out of the house or something," she explained with a wince.

"Well, we're not _most _parents," Russell drawled.

Quinn laughed and actually felt the weight on her shoulder being lifted. She felt relieved. Because she knew what she had to do.

* * *

Two hours later, she found herself sitting on her favorite bench in the park. It was her favorite bench because it gave her a great view of the playground where the children were running around without any worry in the world and she could see people strolling around and she just loved observing them.

She smiled at an old couple who walked by hand in hand. She couldn't help but think that they were so sweet. It was so hard to find a lasting couple these days. The divorce rates were just rising and rising non-stop. She swung her legs as she watched the sun slowly climb down the horizon and waited for the person she'd called to come.

"Quinn!" A smile instantly brightened her face and she turned to see Rachel walking towards her in a plaid blouse and a skirt. She stood up and hugged her friend. "What's going on? Why did you call me so urgently?" Rachel asked worriedly when they released each other, her hands instantly cupping Quinn's cheek as if she could find her answer that way.

Quinn released a chuckle and gently removed the brunette's hands from her face but she didn't let them go. She could see that Rachel noticed that little detail as well as she looked down at their engaged hands. She looked back up at Quinn with a hopeful yet confused look on her face. Quinn knew there was an array of questions Rachel wanted to ask but as always, she was holding back, allowing Quinn to start the conversation.

The blonde stared down at Rachel's face. And _god_, she looked _stunning_. Quinn couldn't believe that this beautiful girl right here was her best friend and had a crush on _her _when she could have anyone. Quinn realized the feelings that she had for her was far beyond a simple crush. It was so far beyond it that it was so overwhelming. She took a deep breath and offered a reassuring smile.

"We need to talk," she finally said.

Rachel's smile faltered but didn't disappear. Quinn watched her eyes flicker with confusion and anticipation and slight sadness and her heart squeezed because she knew she was the cause of all those emotions. She sat the brunette down and sat down next to her. She finally let go of their hands and rubbed her kneecaps.

"I'm going to ask you one question. And you need to be really honest with me." She turned to Rachel and added, "Please."

A frown appeared on Rachel's forehead but she nodded in spite of her confusion. "Okay," she trailed off, unsure of what's happening.

Quinn took a deep breath and closed her eyes to ready herself. Then she opened her eyes again to look Rachel in the eye. "Are you or are you not in love with me?" she asked in a whisper, searching Rachel's eyes.

She could feel the brunette tensed and she could hear the deep breath she took. She could see the emotions swimming past her brown eyes. She could see everything but she kept quiet. She wanted to hear it from Rachel herself.

Rachel swallowed, her throat moving along with the motion. "I…Quinn, why are you asking me this?" Rachel asked weakly.

Quinn licked her lips and sighed. "Because," she hesitated then continued, "because I found out recently that I…that I have feelings for you; the kind of feelings that friend's do not have for each other; the kind of feelings whereby you think about the opposite all the damn time and have no idea what the hell you're supposed to do about it."

"Quinn, you have a boyfriend," Rachel reminded her.

"I know." Quinn nodded in affirmation. "I have a very sweet boyfriend who loves me, I know. But…I'd rather let him find love than lead him on. But that's not the point here. You still have to answer my question. Are you, Rachel Berry?"

"It won't make a difference."

"Stop avoiding and answer the question."

Rachel sighed and sifted her fingers through her hair. Then she dropped her arms abruptly, her hands slapped her thighs as she looked in the distance. "Yes." Quinn's breath hitched at the single syllable. Rachel turned back to her with agonized eyes and Quinn felt the urge to hug her but she didn't. She's controlling herself to not touch her. "Yes, Quinn Fabray, I am in love with you. I don't understand why you're asking me this. You have a _boyfriend_."

"I think we've established that."

"Then you should know that I've told him that I will _never_ intercept in your relationship. Even if you have feelings for me, Quinn, I still can't do that."

"You're not intercepting our relationship," Quinn said quickly. Suddenly, they were just a few inches apart. They could practically feel each other's breaths against their faces. Quinn searched Rachel's face and swallowed. "_I am_." Then she surged forward and caught Rachel's lips in hers.

She was hooked the second their lips met. The contours of their lips fit _perfectly_. There were no flaws or gaps between them. They were all over each other as soon as their lips met. It was addicting and Quinn knew she would never get enough after this. Kissing Jesse couldn't even compare to kissing Rachel. It was more than she had ever felt. This time, she did not see fireworks. She saw a volcano full of hot molten lava, sparking all the time. That was what she felt. It was hot and stinging at the same time – but in a good way. She wanted more.

She didn't know who made the sound but it definitely incensed her to move closer and hold Rachel tighter against her. It was like the world around them had disappeared; never mind that they were in one of the most homophobic towns; never mind that there were children probably watching them. This was all she needed. She moaned and probed Rachel's lips with her tongue, begging for entrance. Rachel gasped into her mouth and Quinn took the chance to delve in.

A sudden electric current shocked her system and traveled to the ends of every blood vessel she had in her body. Something in her stomach coiled and traveled down to her waist. She clenched her thighs and reached up to hold Rachel's cheek with the other around the brunette's waist.

Soon, air became a necessity and they released each other. They panted against each other's skin and Quinn practically collapsed into Rachel's shoulder, burying her face in her neck, inhaling the sweet scent of apples. She let out a quiet moan and tightened her arms around her brunette. God, she could hold her all day and have no complaints.

Rachel's panting with her. She had her hands on Quinn's hips and she pulled her closer, nuzzling against her blonde hair. They stayed like that for a few more moments.

"So what happens now?" Rachel finally asked.

Quinn gulped and drew back to look at Rachel. "I'm going to break up with Jesse," she started and then a grin lighted up her face. "Then we're going on a date."

Rachel's lips quirked and there was a moment of doubt in her eyes as she said, "But I don't break promises. And I promised him that I would never take you away from him."

The blonde helped brush a strand of her brown hair behind her ear. "Exactly. You didn't steal me away from him. I _chose_ to break up with him."

"You're breaking up with him to be with _me_. I don't see any difference."

"No," Quinn said, shaking her head and smiling. "I'm breaking up with him for _me_." Rachel frowned in confusion. "Ever since I met you, Rachel, I _couldn't_ stop thinking about you wherever I go, whenever it is, whatever I'm doing. My mind kept going back to that stunning brunette with the exceptional voice and amazing personality." Rachel's smile widened, followed by Quinn's. "And Jesse just…I just don't feel the _spark _with him anymore. When I was kissing, I thought about _you_. When I was simply _with _him, I still thought about you. And he just…he doesn't make me happy anymore. You do."

The brunette stared at her with watery eyes. Quinn released a choked laugh as she wiped away a drop of tear. Rachel leaned into her touch and closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. She swallowed and leaned forward to peck Quinn's cheek.

"Really?" she whispered against her cheek.

Quinn nodded and pulled her into her arms, embracing her tightly. "Yes."

* * *

_**Ten years later**_

"Alright, class dismissed!" Her voice resonated through the soundproofed walls of the classroom.

She turned off her laptop and shut off the LCD. It took her fifteen minutes till she left the classroom as students swarmed her with questions regarding the essay she gave them as an assignment. She explained everything to them patiently, guiding them to the right resources subtly and smiled sweetly when they thanked her.

She zipped up her laptop bag and put it on the table. She grabbed the eraser and erased the blackboard with the notes she'd written. The board was clean not long after. She smiled with satisfaction, unconsciously twirling the ring on her ring finger and her smile grew wider.

She released a breath and grabbed her laptop bag, surveyed the room for anything she left before she walked out. She made sure that the switches were turned off to avoid shortage then walked down the near empty corridors of Yale University. She smiled at the students who bothered to greet her, stopped to talk with a few other professors before she finally reached her office. She specifically asked for an office near the library.

After her laptop was taken out and put on her table, she pulled out a thick sheaf of papers she had to grade. She glanced at the clock hung above the door and saw that she had less than two hours until she had to get back home. She hummed and absently touched the gold-framed photograph on her desk before she started the program on her computer and began grading.

She loved teaching. She'd written articles for a various publishing companies such as the New York Times. She loved everything that had to do with words. She loved reading what people had written, whether they were simple poems in a magazine or a five hundred pages book. You could put a good book in her hand and she would make sure to read it within four days maximum.

She was just that good of a reader.

But no matter how much she loved all these, nothing could hold a candle to her wife. Her wife was the embodiment of words she loved most, the epitome of the most haunting music in the universe and the ultimate holder of her whole heart. She had gone as far as writing a poem and mailing it to every publishing company on their first year anniversary.

That was how much she loved her wife.

She didn't know her pen had hovered over the forty-fifth paper among the sheaf until a familiar and sweetening voice wafted in from the door.

"I don't think your students will like it if you don't hand them their papers back on time, sweetheart."

Her eyes stayed on the paper but she grinned, her hand went back to work. She didn't look up. She couldn't. This was the last paper. She had to finish grading it and key into the program before she let the distraction do its – or rather her – job. She felt the atmosphere changed as the distraction glided into the room and set herself on the edge of her desk, just a few yards from her. Quinn could see _delectable_ legs crossed from the corner of her eyes and she gulped, forcing herself to focus on the paper.

A chuckle.

Her grip on the pen tightened. Her throat clogged. Her heart beat fast.

An intake of breath.

_Just one more paragraph. Lord help me_.

A hum.

_Fuck_. Her hand abandoned the red pen and she quickly keyed in the grade in the program, saved it and finally shut down.

A laugh.

"Oh you are so dead, Rachel Berry," she growled, her voice low and hungry. She made sure the door was closed before she seized her wife in her arms and kissed her as if they hadn't kissed for eons. But really, a few hours apart was eons to Quinn.

Her wife's laugh turned into an angry moan. Nails dug into pale skin while a hand pulled down the band that secured her blonde hair into a ponytail and then went to cup her cheek. She opened her mouth and let her wife take her orally. This was the best she could get in her office.

Quinn pressed Rachel against the table and kissed her deeper. Oh god this felt so good. It had felt really good for ten years. Every single time, she always saw the same molten lava sending sparks through her vessels and disabling her brain.

She finally released the brunette and leaned their foreheads together, grinning playfully in response to her wife's playful gaze. God she loved her.

"I love you."

Seven thousand five hundred and sixty-nine times.

Quinn knew she wouldn't say it for just seven thousand five hundred and sixty-nine times. She would say it for the rest of her life.

* * *

**this is the first time i've written such a long one-shot. i hope it's good. please review? i love you guys. my readers are the best. keep on being awesome alright?**


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